Couples’ Sex Toys: A Beginner’s Guide

Bringing a sex toy into a relationship is far more common than most couples assume, and it’s rarely about anything being missing. For plenty of couples it’s simply a way to add variety, share something playful, or make sex more comfortable and fun. The awkward part is usually not the toy itself but the conversation around it.

This guide covers the main types of couples’ toys, how to raise the idea kindly, and how to choose something you’ll both enjoy.

What “Couples’ Toys” Actually Means

A couples’ toy is really just any toy used together rather than solo. Some are designed specifically for shared use; many ordinary toys work perfectly well between partners too.

The label matters less than the intention. What makes a toy a “couples’ toy” is that you’re using it as part of being together — which means almost anything body-safe can qualify, from a simple vibrator to something built for two.

Common Types

Vibrators used together — a small bullet or an air-pulse toy — can be brought into partnered sex easily and are a low-key place to start. Couples’ vibrators are designed to be worn during sex so both partners feel the vibration. Remote or app-controlled toys hand control to a partner, which some couples enjoy for play and for distance; our guide to long-distance intimacy covers those in more detail. Massage oils and sensual accessories are a gentle, low-pressure entry point that doesn’t feel like a big leap.

Start small and simple. A modest, versatile toy is a better first shared purchase than something elaborate. You can always build from what you learn you both enjoy.

Raising the Idea

The conversation is where couples get stuck, usually because one partner worries the suggestion will be taken as criticism. Framing matters enormously.

Present it as “adding,” not “fixing.” Make clear it’s about curiosity and fun, not dissatisfaction — “I thought this could be fun to try together” lands very differently from anything that sounds like a complaint.

• Bring it up outside the bedroom, in a relaxed moment, not mid-sex.
• Invite their input rather than presenting a decision — choosing together is part of the fun.
• Take no pressure either way; “no thanks” or “maybe later” is a fine answer.

If talking about sex openly is hard in your relationship, our guide to talking to your partner about sex has ways to ease into it.

Choosing Together

Browse as a shared activity. Looking through options together, ideally on a reputable retailer’s site, turns the decision into something playful and makes sure you both actually want what you pick. It also avoids one person guessing what the other would like.

Agree on the basics. Body-safe material, easy cleaning and a sensible budget matter as much for shared toys as solo ones. Our guides to body-safe sex toys and to cleaning and storing toys cover the essentials, and a water-based lubricant is a safe companion for most silicone toys.

Keeping It Pressure-Free

A toy is an option, not an obligation. The healthiest way to use one is as an occasional addition you both enjoy, not a new standard anyone has to meet. If it’s fun, keep it; if it’s not for you, that’s completely fine — the point is shared enjoyment, nothing more.

Common Questions

Does wanting a toy mean my partner isn’t enough?
No — and this is the worry that stops most couples. Using a toy is about adding variety and fun, not compensating for a partner. Plenty of happy couples use them purely because they enjoy it.

How do I bring it up without offending my partner?
Frame it as curiosity and fun rather than a fix, raise it in a relaxed moment outside sex, and invite their thoughts. “I thought this could be fun to try together” is a good, pressure-free opener.

What’s a good first couples’ toy?
Something small and simple — a bullet vibrator, an air-pulse toy, or even massage oil — is an easy, low-pressure start. You can explore more specialised options once you know what you both like.

What if one of us is keen and the other isn’t?
That’s fine and common. It should never be pressured. Talk about what feels comfortable, and remember “not right now” is a valid answer; shared enjoyment is the whole point.

Are couples’ toys safe to share?
Yes, with sensible hygiene. Use body-safe materials, clean toys between uses, and if you’re switching between partners, a condom over the toy or thorough cleaning in between is wise.

Do we need an expensive toy?
Not at all. A reputable mid-range toy is plenty. Material quality and choosing something you both actually want matter far more than how much you spend.

This guide is part of Wellnesty’s Sexual Wellness and Education series. Some links on Wellnesty are affiliate links, meaning we may earn a small commission if you buy through them, at no extra cost to you; it never changes what we recommend.