Sex Toys for Beginners: Where to Actually Start

Buying a first toy tends to get complicated by sheer choice rather than by anything genuinely difficult about the decision. Once you know what actually matters, narrowing it down is a lot simpler than the sheer size of most toy shops suggests.

What Actually Matters for a First Toy

Material, above almost everything else. Medical-grade silicone is the standard starting point, non-porous, body temperature responsive, and easy to clean. Our body-safe materials guide covers this in more depth if you want the full picture.

A wide range of intensity, not just one strong setting. Being able to start low and build up matters more for a first toy than having the most powerful motor on the market.

Size and shape suited to what you actually want to use it for, rather than what looks most impressive in photos. External vibrators tend to be the simplest, lowest-pressure starting point for most beginners.

The Simplest Starting Categories

External vibrators apply direct stimulation without needing to think about penetration at all, which makes them a genuinely easy first purchase and a reliable way to learn what kind of stimulation you respond to.

Small, simple insertable vibrators are a reasonable next step if external stimulation alone isn’t what you’re after, ideally something smaller and tapered rather than large, since comfort matters more than size for a first attempt.

Wearable vibrators, designed to be worn during penetrative sex, are worth considering if you’re specifically looking for something to use with a partner rather than solo.

What to Skip as a First Purchase

Toys with a lot of extra features, multiple simultaneous stimulation points, app connectivity, elaborate shapes, tend to add cost and complexity without necessarily adding to the actual experience for someone still working out their preferences. Simpler is genuinely a reasonable strategy here, not a compromise.

Getting the Most Out of a First Toy

Pair it with lubricant from the start, even for external use. It reduces friction and makes the sensation more comfortable, particularly while you’re still working out what intensity and pressure you prefer.

Start on the lowest setting, even if it doesn’t feel like much initially. Sensitivity and preference take some time to establish, and starting high can make a toy feel unpleasant before you’ve had a chance to find what actually works.

Give it more than one attempt before deciding it isn’t for you. Response to any new form of stimulation often takes a few tries to properly assess, rather than being obvious the very first time.

Common Questions

What’s the easiest first toy to buy?
A simple external vibrator with a range of intensity settings tends to be the most straightforward starting point for most beginners.

Do I need an expensive toy for it to work well?
Not necessarily. Material and a genuine range of intensity settings matter more than price point once you’re above the very cheapest, least body-safe options.

Is it normal for a first toy not to feel like much straight away?
Yes. It often takes a few attempts, and some experimenting with pressure and setting, before a toy’s actual usefulness becomes clear.

Should I buy something app-connected or with extra features for my first toy?
Generally not necessary. A simple, well-made toy with a good range of intensity settings is usually a better starting point than something with extra features you haven’t yet worked out if you want.

This guide is part of Wellnesty’s Sexual Wellness and Education series. This page contains affiliate links, see our affiliate disclosure for details.